I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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