My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
