So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize