Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
