lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
