I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
you never un-have a 4some
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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