You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
