i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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