Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
