Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
