FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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