he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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