1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize