I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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