You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
