So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
