Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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