So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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