I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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