I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize