the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
