Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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