You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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