i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
