Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
