i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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