god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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