I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
