She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
