Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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