ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
