this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
