I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize