his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
