You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
