I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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