his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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