The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
