Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
