So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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