ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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