Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
