You work out of a Hotel?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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