Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
wakey wakey hands off snakey
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
