Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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