I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
