so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
