Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
