weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
