apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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