I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
