I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
