She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
BRING THE BAGELS
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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