I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
