I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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