why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
