White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
