Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
