My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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