Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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