there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
