I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
