Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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