You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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