I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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