Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
