If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
