Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize
