This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Congratulations! We have a period
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize