Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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