I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize