hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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