you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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