I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
