There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
