You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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