I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
