considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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