Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
