For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
