I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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