I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
