I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Can you bring me the toilet please
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
