he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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