I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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