so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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