Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
