Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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