I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
