just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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