Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She swung at the pinata with crutches
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
