the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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