I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize