If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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