The maid of honor just puked.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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