That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
MIDGETS
????
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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