What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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