i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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