Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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