Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need to calm my uterus...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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