hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
