Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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