I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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