I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
