How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She bit a glass in half.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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