No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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