I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
