i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
