The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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